My recent flare-up of my OCD has caused me to re-think my relationship to the condition, as well as how others perceive me. Like a lot of people living with OCD (I hate to say "OCD sufferer" since it sounds so depressing) I've hidden my quirks and rituals from friends and family. Now that my OCD is more pronounced, it's a little bit harder to hide.

I've noticed something interesting about how I represent the condition to others. Whenever I do an OCD ritual in front of someone else, or whenever a compulsive behavior might seem odd to another person, I have a knee-jerk tendency to say "Sorry." Sometimes I apologize multiple times.

Case in point: at night, my  rituals necessitate I walk in a certain pattern in front of my coffee table. Mom, who's been staying with me, sometimes sits on the couch and when I walk in past her I have to ask her to move her legs so I can get by. I feel so awkward and bad asking her to move her legs, and I usually blurt out "Sorry, you're not in the way, it's just me."

Of course, there's a lot of feminist writing on the topic of women saying "Sorry" more frequently than men. It makes me wonder when and where it's appropriate to apologize for my OCD. Obviously, I didn't choose to have OCD, but I can (generally) choose how and where I give into it. Is apologizing to others just making me feel more ashamed about the condition? Is it appropriate or socially convenient?