So, today marks 12 days that I've been on the new medication. My doctor said that the first 10 would be the hardest, and boy was she right. I checked in with her yesterday, and she said that my recovery process seems to be kind of normal. I told her that things felt really hard right now, but she said that that was ok.

Yesterday morning, I woke up with a burst of enthusiasm. I wanted to get out of the house and go do all of the things! It was the first time since I started the new medication that I'd felt that way. Later on, my enthusiasm waned and the anxiety returned. My doctor said that this feeling was normal - our goal is to make those bursts last longer and stay around more permanently.

As for my homework today, I had lunch with my friend Amanda. I was out of the house, socializing and having actual fun! Because of my OCD, I often don't trust "good" things. That sounds a little vague - mainly I'm suspicious of things that go well, or when I'm enjoying myself, or something positive that happens in my life. OCD is often called the disease of doubt, and distrust of enjoyment is how doubt manifests for me. I need to remember that just because something good happened, that is no indication that something bad is about to follow. 

I also had a check-in with my counselor yesterday, and she gave me some advice I'm trying to think about. She said that my recovery needs to be gradual. She told me an analogy about someone with chronic pain: for someone who's suffered with lots of pain for a while, having a brief window with no pain might make them want to go out and jump, run, or do cartwheels! But then, they'd probably be in a lot of pain afterwards because they did too much. She reminded me to pace myself, and to have patience. I can certainly capitalize on the bursts of good feeling, but I should stick to my little bits of homework and let them build gradually.