FAQ

My mom has been staying with me recently, and though she has a first-hand glimpse of what I've been going through, she (understandably) has questions about the manifestation of OCD. The disorder isn't realistically represented in popular culture, so there are a lot of misconceptions about it. I thought I'd write a little bit of information for anyone who might be reading this journal that has questions.

• OCD is an anxiety disorder arising because of neurological malfunctioning. Anxiety is your brain's warning system, but if you have OCD, the warning system doesn't work correctly. Therefore, you experience the sensation of danger even when you know everything's fine.
• Individuals living with OCD usually understand that their obsessions and compulsions are irrational and excessive. In TV shows and movies, OCD individuals are often portrayed as enjoying perfection, order, or cleanliness. Someone who enjoys excessive perfection or cleanliness might have Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. With OCD, however, the individual knows that their fears are irrational, but can't stop feeling afraid. They also won't enjoy performing compulsions: the only reason they do the compulsions is to relieve anxiety. 
• OCD isn't primarily about cleanliness. True, some sufferers do fear germs or dirt, and this variety of the disorder is called contamination OCD. However, other iterations of the condition might make the person fear causing or receiving harm, breaking moral codes, or getting rid of personal possessions. 
• Finally, it's often not easy to identify a person that has OCD. Frequently, when I tell someone about my disorder, they'll say "I would have never known!" or "You seem so put together!" The reality of OCD, however, is that about 2-3 million adults and 500,000 children experience the illness at any given time. Most people with OCD hide the disorder out of embarrassment. In fact, OCD has been linked to above average intelligence and high achievement. 

If you google image search "OCD brain" you can see pictures that show how an OC individual's brain works differently than those who don't have the disorder. I'm very open to answering questions from friends or family, since it's important to me to raise awareness about the realities of the illness. 

New Doctors!

I just got back with my meeting with the director of AustinOCD, and overall I think the meeting went well. The director of the center is Dr. M and he kind of looks like Richard Attenborough from Jurassic Park. The meeting was mostly "patient education" about OCD and what happens in the brain with this specific disorder. Dr. M refers to it as a "neurological glitch." This glitch happens in your frontal cortex, so you perceive danger where there is none.

Here are some of the other relevant things I learned from the meeting:

Medication: Dr. M discussed the medication switch I went through recently, and said that because I had such a hard time when I was starting the new medication, it might actually indicate that this particular med is going to be a good fit with my brain. It's kind of complicated, but because of something called "downregulation," when an SSRI is a good fit with your brain, it floods your body with serotonin, and so (at first) you end up producing less and so feeling worse. In the long term, though, once I adjust, it might indicate that the particular chemical in the Sertraline will help me a lot.

Prognosis: I had been nervous because when I first spoke with Dr. M he had referred to my condition as "severe." That totally freaked me out. I mean, yes, things have worsened with my condition, but it's scary to hear someone say you have a "severe" illness. He addressed that today with me - he said it sounds like the anxiety/"suffering" I've been going through is severe. However, he says he's very optimistic about my treatment based on my history with OCD and current disposition.

Rituals: My homework this week is to "poke" at my OCD - just try to change little things in my rituals. I had been trying to tackle some ritual-changing on my own, and told him I started with trying to stay out of the house later because it was such a "big" ritual and so obnoxious. He asked why I'd started with something big and suggested I try to do small things instead. He emphasized I take on modest goals at first. Especially at the beginning of recovery, he said, it's a mistake to do too much.

Overall, I'm pretty positive about things right now, but it's soooo hard to just make slow, small gains. I am impatient and want to fix every problem right now.