Lists

As of yesterday, I've been on my own for a week. Mom left last Monday, and it's good to be self-sufficient again. Even though my rituals still keep me very limited, I don't feel like the helpless lump that I was about a month ago. There's quite a lot I want to write about in this post, and I think the content would be best facilitated by creating some lists.

I've accomplished some new (and exciting!) progress working against my OCD rituals. In the past week or so, I've achieved the following:

• Staying out of the house until 4:16
• Beginning to work on my dissertation again
• Eating more sweets (my OCD objected to candy, unfortunately)
• Completely taking care of myself, without help from Mom or Dad
• Feeling more comfortable putting effort into my appearance (wearing the clothes/jewelry/makeup that I want to)

Additionally, friends and family have offered tons of support. Did you know that my friends make up a small army of super-caring, ultra-generous, swift-acting, helper-people? Things I've received (whether tangible or intangible) include: 

• Tons of hugs, good thoughts, emails, calls, etc.
• Incredibly thoughtful cards from Kerry, Amanda, Stephanie, Lauren, Meg, Pamela and Nikki (seriously, I teared up when reading these)
• A gift from my Etsy wish list, courtesy of Lauren, that I'm anticipating with bated breath
• Coloring books (!!) from Meg
• Steven has offered Alaskan salmon that he caught
• A puzzle from Tekla
• Awesome lunch dates with Dustin, Stephanie, Amanda, and many more upcoming plans on my calendar to look forward to

Now that I'm more open about my OCD, many acquaintances and co-workers inquire about my improvement. My standard response usually alludes to how surreal things have felt, but I've been telling so many people how lucky I am to have such loving friends in my life. I, truly, would not be in such good shape and making such swift progress if it weren't for all of you. 

How You Can Help!

Because I have some of the best friends in the world, I've received lots of offers to help out. I've been thinking about types of support that would be helpful for me. If you want to help out, here are some things that would be good.

• Hugs! Big fatty friend hugs are pretty much the best.
• Cards. I'd love to have some cards to hang up in my apartment. I can get really anxious sometimes, so it would be nice to have a bunch of cards to serve as physical reminders of all the wonderful people in my life. You can send me an email or private message for my address, or you can leave it in my school mailbox.
• Lunch dates. Right now my rituals keep me housbound from around 4pm-onward during the evenings. OCD can be pretty isolating, and I don't want to get cut off from my friends. I'm going to try to schedule some lunch dates with every one to make sure that I maintain social contact. 
• Food is really good. I'm trying to put some weight back on, so I need to eat eat eat. I'll try to write a list of specific stuff that I like. 
• Jigsaw puzzles. For some reason, I've found that doing jigsaw puzzles helps me relieve anxiety and keeps me entertained. I usually buy 1000 piece puzzles at Target, Half Price Books, or a toy store, and would love to have more. 
• I also have an Etsy Wish List with pretty little trinkets.

March 20 Status Update

So, I haven't done a recap post in a while with pertinent info about my health stuff. Here's a quick update about where I'm at right now.

Rituals: I've been able, little by little, to start pushing back against my rituals. They start around 4pm in the afternoon, but I've been working on pushing that back. Yesterday I stayed out of the house 'til 4:06! I know that sounds like baby steps but any progress is good. There are a lot of "avoided activities" that I have. But, I am able to cook and clean for myself again, and I am going to work. For some reason, my OCD also made me feel afraid to eat certain foods, but I'm incorporating lots of new stuff into my diet and am eating more.

Medication: (Big knock on wood here) It seems like we've found a good combination of meds for me. I'm on a higher dose of an SSRI called Zoloft, and another drug that amplifies the SSRI called Seroquel XR. The crying jags seem to have stopped.

Complications: The new meds that I'm on are supposed to make me hungry, and they do. I'm pretty OK with this side effect, and I'm trying to eat as much as possible. I've also noticed some uncontrolled muscle movements in my legs (small muscle jerks) that I need to speak with my doctor about.

Treatment:  I'm going to start working with AustinOCD. I'm very hopeful about working with the people there, although I'm also nervous, because it will be hard work. Thankfully, my insurance will cover part of the cost, and my parents are going to help out.