I went to see my doctor at AustinOCD today. Every time I go into the office, he asks me to fill out the Yale-Brown Obsessive-Compulsive Scale. Commonly known as YBOCS, the scale uses a 40-point, standardized questionnaire in order to diagnose the severity of one's OCD. A score of 40 indicates the most severe symptoms, and 0 the least.
So, during every visit to the doctor's office I re-take the survey. At my first visit to AustinOCD, I scored a 29. During today's meeting, my doctor told me that my score had dropped with each visit. Last week I was at a 26, and this week I scored 24. Because the changes with OCD recovery are so small and incremental, it's sometimes hard to tell if I am, indeed, getting better. But my YBOCS score is going down little by little. And that's a really good sign.
After we talked about my improving YBOCS score, Dr. M pointed out that despite my quickening progress, he had recorded in his notes: "She's concerned she's not doing enough work to get better." I'm assuming that this mental self-flagellation is due in part to my training in graduate school. As an academic, there are no boundaries on when and where you're supposed to work, so I usually find myself thinking "I should be working right now" during most hours of the day. Apparently this all-work-and-no-play mentality has shifted to my health! I need to learn to relax.
Oh, this post really speaks to me. You are so right--when I was in graduate school, especially the first year or so, I felt like I had to work ALL the time. There was so much to read, so much pressure to write academically significant papers, plus I was teaching for the first time as a grad assistant. I never gave myself a break, and that did not help my health. My OCD was off the charts. I wish I knew then what I know now. We need to give ourselves a break and not beat up on ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI hated filling out the Y-Bocs. I have a hard time quantifying things and I always second guessed my answers. "Am I telling the truth with my answers? Am I exaggerating my symptoms so I get more sympathy?" Ugh, that test always drove me crazy. Ultimately, I realized that it was just a helpful, but imperfect diagnostic tool.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are seeing improvement. But you do need to be kind to yourself and leave time for rest and relaxation!
Thanks for your encouragement! Rest is definitely good. I need to learn to do it more: historically, I'm an overachiever.
DeleteWith the Y-Bocs, I feel like I always minimize my symptoms because I don't like to admit that there's a big problem. I'd much rather pretend that everything's fine than admit the more embarrassing aspects of my disorder.
Um, we need to make a date to bash your weebly-wobbly dude around with a bat. For real...email me?
ReplyDelete