Hi, blog world. I've neglected writing for a few weeks now, but I'm not apologizing for my web absence. I realized that I haven't much felt like thinking, or writing about, my OCD recently. There was a while where I checked this blog regularly, read other OCD bloggers' stories eagerly, and actively recorded my feelings here.
I just haven't wanted to think about any of that. I needed a break.
Sometimes the work of getting better is slow. Sometimes it goes fast. At times I feel very proud of everything I've accomplished, but I also feel this nagging weariness as the recovery period drags on. I've gotten so much support from my friends, and I'm going to need lots of love and good thoughts going forward.
I keep a progress log of all the exposures I do and the steps forward that I make. If I'm feeling low, I like to look back a month ago and see where I was then. Looking at then and now I see big changes, but it's often hard to remember that. In the last month, I've gotten a lot back:
Working on my dissertation, working in general, wearing jewelry, wearing makeup, wearing whatever skirts and shirts I want, being out 'til 4:21, exercising, adjusting my dosage of Sertraline for the final time, painting my nails, eating new foods at dinner, subtracting "safe" foods from dinner, doing laundry, getting my hair cut...
My YBOCS score is also down to 20. This is all good! I'm just ready to be better now.
Sarah, I can understand the need for a break. Do what works for you!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are making great progress! I know the speed of recovery is frustrating. I've started a new treatment for chronic depression, and I am anxious to faster. My therapist and I are focusing on that now, because he felt it was getting in the way of the OCD therapy. I wish I could just be over all the therapy! :-)
Your progress log is a great idea. Sometimes we need to remember our successes to get get us through the day.
Good to hear from you!
WOW - totally awesome! You're working hard and it shows. Really, really great.
ReplyDeleteI can understand feeling weary. That is probably one of the biggest challenges of recovery for me. Sometimes I am just sick to death of OCD. I get sick of living with it, writing about it, reading about it, talking about it, fighting it, etc. So I try to step away from it (as much as I possibly can, in spite of the fact that I still have it!). Eventually I'll feel a bit better and then I'm able to face it all again. Recovery is like a marathon, not a sprint. That can be hard to accept sometimes. But, when you start getting pieces of your life back, you realize it's all worth it. I think it also gets easier to live with over time.
Congratulations on your success thus far!