Happy Sunday, blog world. This weekend has been pretty good. Mostly, my homework involved socializing. Dr. D encouraged me pretty strongly spend lots of time with my friends and family. They're my support system and also help me feel tons better.

Friday afternoon my aunt, cousin, and her two little children came into town and we had a long afternoon lunch. I was nervous because it was a Friday - recently, the weekends have been making me nervous because it's a long stretch of time where I can't get into contact with my doctors if I need to. However, I think this weekend I was less anxious than the previous weekend. This anxiousness about weekends is new for me, and quite frankly it sucks.

Yesterday was a big step because I went out and socialized on my own, without Mom! I didn't rely on Mom to drive or pay at all. I went out to lunch with my friend Tekla and ate a massive burrito. We bummed around a little bit and then I took her home. Later, I went to Target to buy this pretty vase I've been coveting. So, I guess I allowed myself to have a good thing. I rewarded myself - this is good.

Also, I went two whole days without crying. This isn't necessarily an accomplishment, per se, but an indicator of my mood stabilizing and my body adapting to the new medications. Dr. E said that my regular crying jags were probably being produced by the medication swap and my body/hormones adjusting. I didn't cry at all on Thursday or Friday. Yesterday I did get upset, though.

Sometimes I get really frustrated with the fact that I have OCD. I start to ask lots of unproductive questions like "Why did this have to happen to me?" or try to tell the universe that it's not fair for me to have this stupid illness. I suppose I'm grieving - from what I understand this kind of anger and sadness is normal. I'm just trying to let myself feel my feelings, whatever they are.

Yesterday was kind of hard for me. I woke up with higher anxiety levels, and doing my homework was really hard. I did, however, take the bus to school and stay out of the house until 4:23 (little victories!). I had initially planned to take the bus back from school as well, but I got too scared. I wasn't sure how long the ride would take, and staying out too late made me really nervous. But, I did make progress.

After I got home from work I got really scared and cried. Dr. E said that I might experience a "mid-week crash." So, I guess that's what happened. I'm trying to keep everything in perspective and remind myself that I'm still doing better than when I started on the medication. Like, that first week I went over to Tekla's house and was really nervous. I could barely stay an entire hour.

Also, I guess I should say that I need all the love and support that friends and loved ones can offer right now. Things are very hard still, and every little piece of homework feels like a battle. I would love any encouragement that anyone could offer!