Happy Sunday, blog world. This weekend has been pretty good. Mostly, my homework involved socializing. Dr. D encouraged me pretty strongly spend lots of time with my friends and family. They're my support system and also help me feel tons better.

Friday afternoon my aunt, cousin, and her two little children came into town and we had a long afternoon lunch. I was nervous because it was a Friday - recently, the weekends have been making me nervous because it's a long stretch of time where I can't get into contact with my doctors if I need to. However, I think this weekend I was less anxious than the previous weekend. This anxiousness about weekends is new for me, and quite frankly it sucks.

Yesterday was a big step because I went out and socialized on my own, without Mom! I didn't rely on Mom to drive or pay at all. I went out to lunch with my friend Tekla and ate a massive burrito. We bummed around a little bit and then I took her home. Later, I went to Target to buy this pretty vase I've been coveting. So, I guess I allowed myself to have a good thing. I rewarded myself - this is good.

Also, I went two whole days without crying. This isn't necessarily an accomplishment, per se, but an indicator of my mood stabilizing and my body adapting to the new medications. Dr. E said that my regular crying jags were probably being produced by the medication swap and my body/hormones adjusting. I didn't cry at all on Thursday or Friday. Yesterday I did get upset, though.

Sometimes I get really frustrated with the fact that I have OCD. I start to ask lots of unproductive questions like "Why did this have to happen to me?" or try to tell the universe that it's not fair for me to have this stupid illness. I suppose I'm grieving - from what I understand this kind of anger and sadness is normal. I'm just trying to let myself feel my feelings, whatever they are.

Though Wednesday was pretty difficult, Thursday (yesterday) was better. I didn't cry, and my mood was a little bit perkier. I'm still suspicious of these days when I feel more upbeat, but Dr. E says that by next week I should be having more and more of them, and my good moods won't feel like a "fluke."

As for my homework, I did something very small, but it felt really good. I took care of cleaning up all of the dishes after dinner. I put away all the leftovers, and washed and scrubbed the plates in my sink. Up until now, Mom has been doing these kinds of things since I've been largely helpless. It felt really good to take back this little chore - I felt a bit more like myself, and I felt more capable.

Also, I got a very sweet phone call from my friend Kerry, and she offered lots of kind thoughts and advice. She said one thing that has stuck with me, which is to reward myself for doing all my hard work. She asked if I was treating myself in any way, and I realized I hadn't really been doing anything like that. In some way my freedom, in and of itself, is a reward. It's such a magical feeling to be able, little by little, to get my life back.

But Kerry's right - I do need to reward myself. Some ideas that spring to mind are:

- Buying myself little presents from my Etsy wish list
- A yummy dessert
- A date with a friend
- Pretty fabric from Calico Corners
- A bottle of Champagne (when I'm allowed to drink again)
- Flowers
- DVDs of my favorite TV shows
- Visiting a new restaurant

It was kind of hard to think of ways to reward myself. That says something important, yes? I'll work on this more.